Realizations

I need to lose weight. A lot of weight. I don't feel comfortable with the weight that I am at and I am hoping that, by writing it down, I will stick with my goal of losing weight. I have learned in the past that by saying losing weight is my goal that I wont succeed so, in order to hopefully succeed, ill set a legitimate goal. I will lose 30 pounds and eat more healthy. But I need a time frame. In 4 weeks I will lose 30 pounds.

in 4 weeks this will be me (Kalyn-30 pounds). So that means I need to lose 7 and a half pounds every week.

other than that what is new? Jordan and I went to a thrift store. apparently his day wasn't going all that well for him so i thought that he was in a really bad mood but, as it would be he was a fan of thrift store shopping. He did a really good job at finding stuff that i couldn't have found, it made me look good and I had a fantastic time.

we also bought some duct tape. a lot of it actually. tomorrow we plan on making duct tape wallets and a messenger bag, cool right? I think so I hope it looks good tomorrow. Alrighty then it is time that i go to sleep. Good night.

Food

Food is something that everyone needs in order to survive but it is also a love language. No it isnt a language everyone always understands but it is in fact a language. When two people share a meal it is a symbol of trust, especially if the meal is made by their own hands. Food is beautiful.

I view food as a sign of friendship and openness. I remember once a complete stranger made me an omelet because I had missed out on the pizza. I watched as she scrambled the eggs and fried ham and at the same time made a salad (complete with dressing) for another of her close friends. The way she moved around the kitchen made me smile. This was a woman I could trust, that I could become friends with. and you know what? I did become her friend the moment she handed me my omelet I was her friend. Someday I am going to make a friend by making them an omelet. I am going to be just like my newest friend.

Oh yes There was another instance in my life where food was a really important factor. Breakfast in bed. Now perhaps I shouldnt have experienced this yet but yes I slept with Jordan in his bed. No we did not do something that was inappropriate but I did sleep next to him and, in the morning, he brought me french toast when I woke up. I loved it. The best breakfast I have ever had.

:) I love my life.

zzzz

Did you know that sleep is needed in order for one to function properly? Yeah I learned that a few days ago from Rachel.

Why is it important? Because I cant sleep. I try, I really do, but sleep is evasive and if I do sleep it is fitful. So for my lack of sleep what have I done? I have made a duct tape wallet. and a Duct tape pouch that has pretty bright blue fabric on it. I have also managed to hurt my back pretty badly. at least that is what it feels like. I feel like my back is on fire and no matter how i sit it still hurts. I keep watching bones. the last episode I watched was amazing. It was very intense I mean the head lacking body made me feel very beheaded. Ha that was not a pun but it would have been really cool to have had there but I am just not quite that smart. Someday though, someday soon I will be.

Oh yes. I got a dorm room. You didn't know it but I have been trying really hard to get into the dorm rooms for months now and today, today I had a break through and got in. It is going to be expensive to live there but it is also going to be safer and it is going to teach me a little bit about getting to know people. My roommates name is a little strange but, then again, names are a strange thing. I cannot wait to meet her.

Anyways it is really early in the morning and, by the time Jordan gets off of work I should be waking up from whatever sleep I get around the time he gets off so that I can see him. Gosh darn it do I love him. I think I am going to call his sister tomorrow too and see if she cant take so pictures of me for my mother. OK then world, last 20 minutes of Bones then bed for me. Ill talk to you in the morning (or afternoon more like)

Bones

This show is Amazing. not possible but it is awesome. I like the idea of being able to tell a story using the bones of other people. I want my bones to tell someone exactly who I was, what i did, and how i died.I had better die some way cool too, none of this dying in my sleep stuff.

I dont want to be shot, thats overdone. I do want my death to be quick. Or at least I dont want to feel it much. so maybe a bunch of painkillers then something really cool and awesome. I also dont want to die to young so, if there is a serial killer reading this (which I doubt) please dont come after me just yet, wait until I am old had children and written my novel. Though you know Serial killers are pretty cool (not for what they do just how infamous they are. even if that is a little twisted I dont really care. Anyways, Bones is AWESOME. That is all I have to say on the subject.

Fear

I am afraid of old houses. They scare me to no end. Big windows that I cant see past much else but the initial glare of my reflection and, if I look really hard I can see the outline of someone else's home. It is dark. It is scary. Every noise scares me. Every bump. Everything that I hear is like loud thunder in my ears. I know there is nothing to be afraid of. There is nothing but my imagination playing tricks on me but I cannot help but to be afraid.

There are no boogeymen anywhere out to get me. There is nothing in my closet or under my bed. The creek that i hear is the fridge. The scratching comes from the trees and the wind. The

feeling of wet against my back? that is the easiest of all , a dog but still it makes me cringe and jump. The random clattering of dishes isn't a burglar or a thief it is just gravity. And the noise that sounds like a triangle is actually the dryer.

I dont know why I get so afraid but I do. Someday though, someday I will overcome this paranoia and move on from it. Then life will be so much easier, maybe then I can go to a scary movie and not freak out as much as I do at present.

Stumbling and Cookies

Stumble is my muse. I am not even kidding. it makes me want to write more than ever. that, and the food network. oh so yummy just to watch.

Yes my thoughts are all over the place,

I am sleepy but I really wanted

to tell everyone about this. I made Pac man cookies the look a little like this picture...

Arent they cool? I made sugar cookies, which i've never made before. Then I made the frosting. again a first. The hard part was cutting out the shapes. I didnt have any cookie

cutters but I really wanted to make

these cookies and was going to be sad if I didn't. I found a circle for pac man so he ended up being easy. it was the ghosts that were hard. I didnt have anything that could cut a shape like that So i found something oval shaped, placed it on top of my dough and traced my knife around it. then I cut out the little triangles. IT TOOK FOREVER. But totally worth it. Well almost. they just needed eyes. I Didnt have any white frosting and no idea how to make the black so instead I found some chocolate frosting and a zip lock baggie and BAM eyes for a ghost. :)

Now dont get me wrong they looked great but the taste? Well i forgot, sugar cookies SUCK. They just arent good. So, next time I do this i need to find a new cookie to do it with.But hey, Jordan liked the cookies enough that my confidence wasnt completely shattered.

After stumbling I think I am going to make these

in the morning

the recipe is found at NoblePig.com and they are called Cinnamon Doughnut Muffins

When your blocked...

(Note to the reader: The way I originally set everything up didn't work very well so I had to re-post my ABOUT ME section in front of my first blog entry. So "when your blacked..." actually begins when there is a break in the page.)

My name is Kalyn. That is all I am going to tell you about who I am I think. My blog will tell you everything I need to know. I won't tell you my age. I wont tell you what I aspire to be, not here anyways. I will just tell you my name because, well, my name is something I may never tell you anywhere else.

You know what else I will tell you here? I will tell you something I live by. Expression is vital, you have to be willing to fall on your face every now and again. Life isn't always going to be a walk in the park. Sometimes you are going to hurt. I guess that's what I want you to take from my blog. I want you to watch me as I grow up and become a woman of a great many talents. I want you to watch me as I fall and stumble. I want you to know me better than anyone else and, perhaps you will grow to love me.

No you may never meet me face to face, and that is okay. I don't know if anyone will ever read this, if you are reading this Thank You. If you comment double thank you. It means a lot to me that people would care long enough to write their own thoughts down. So please take my experiences and do with them what you will. I don't know you so sharing with you is easy. Enjoy my rants...

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Write. I say that like it is an easy thing to do, Note: it isn't. Writing isn't simple, not good writing at least. In order to be a good writer, heaven forbid a GREAT WRITER, you have to write. But again, that is not easy. Writing is one of the hardest things you can do why? Because you are not writing to please anyone else but yourself and, if you are anything like me, you are hard to please.

Nothing is ever good enough. you are never quite everything you want to be, you have to be better, the best. But, this is what I aim to do.

I am presently Blocked. I cannot think of what to write so I am writing about writing. After that? well I am probably going to make a list. A list that may or may not mean anything but it will mean that words are going on to the screen (which is what is going to be my paper). After that? HOW SHOULD I KNOW? I'm a writer with writers block, I don't know what is going to come out of these fingers, they walk across the keys with their own mind.

the picture for this Blog I found while stumbling at 2:06am my time. I feel it was very fitting...