Sadness

I have learned that when I am sad I get hungry. Right now that's how I feel. I am so close to moving away to Utah, moving away from everything I know, It makes me sad.

I don't really want everyone to know but at the same time I do. I want everyone to think that I am this strong young woman who isn't afraid of life. I want to be respected and well known. I want to be someone other people can look up to. I don't want to be that girl, you know the one that cries herself to sleep at night because she misses them. But

I am that girl. I do miss them. I haven't even left them yet but I miss them. I miss all of the people who have helped me since February.

• Bishop Mitchell- I miss your home. The warm sheets on the bed, the open fridge. I miss knowing I wasn't going to be late to church functions and that you made me want to be better. I miss knowing I could talk to you whenever I needed to.
• Sister Smith- I miss you getting upset with me when you noticed I wasn't going to church. I miss praying every night as a family, even if I wasn't really family I felt like it. I miss knowing that you would make sure I was able to get to work and school and all those other important things.
• Rachel- I miss our long talks at night that kept us up when we should have been going to bed. I miss your mom asking me to do the dishes (you know like I belonged.) I miss your brothers and sisters. I miss learning to sew with Lexi. I miss working out with Nick. I miss meeting new people every week because everyone loves the Reyes family. I even miss your parents "debates" they reminded me of what it was like to be at home with my mother and father (or step father) and their own "debates"
• The Moons- I cannot even begin to tell you everything I miss about you. I miss Adam and Anna. and Aaron and Jamie and Brock. I miss Larissa and Dane and Lelani and Ava, and all of those get-togethers we had to celebrate birthdays and Sundays and New Porches. I miss Brother Moon's Voice as he tried to make me feel better when Mitch kicked me out. How calm he made me feel. I miss Sister Moon, especially when I remember those days when she would tease Jordan and I knew that she was in a happy mood. and Heather I can't forget her either. She may not have helped me but she made me see that life isn't THAT hard.
  
  Most of all I miss Him. My love. My Jordan...
  
  
• If anyone has helped me it has been him. He was there when I first moved in with my dad. He held me when my dad hurt me (especially on fathers day) as I cried he told me that I was strong. He held me when my dad left the day before my Baptism. He told me he loved me. He stood by me when I was missing my mother, my brother, my sister, Kevin. He rushed to my aid when I needed his shoulder. He helped me get my first job. (my only job) He made me feel loved when the people around me seemed to hate me, to forget that I had feelings. He helped me in school. He taught me so much. He really was, and is, my knight in shining armor. Everyday away from him hurts. Physically is hurts. Emotionally it hurts. I just miss him. I haven't left him yet but I miss him still, I feel like I have already left him.

There are a bunch of other people I could list with so much detail but I can't list them all (the List would never end.) But there are some people that I do need to mention by name so i'll list them now.

1. Sister Green
2. Sister Bronson
3. Sister Peterson
4. Sister Poteet

My Young Women's Leaders. You all deserve some credit for the amazing job you have done at helping me grow in the gospel.

To everyone I listed and everyone I didn't, THANK YOU. From the bottom of my heart I thank you. Everything you have done for me has helped me to become a better woman. I will miss you all.

Love, Kalyn

something I found

Kalyn Floyd: "Today
Well all have stories to tell
Tomorrow
We’ll all be gone
Because yesterday is over
And tomorrow never comes
So TODAY
We will be happy
And tomorrow
Were sad
So every day
And every tomorrow
Will never be that bad
Because
Yesterday is done and gone
And tomorrow never comes
So today’s the day that we must live
Forever till the break of dawn
So TODAY
You will be happy and
TOMORROW you will forget
Because today
Things are changing and tomorrow
Tomorrow never comes"

I wrote that a very long time ago. I found it in a draft folder that was meant to be sent to my grandma in Cali. I am so happy i found it, it was one of my favorite poems that I wrote.

Labels

I have come to the conclusion that I want to have my own line of label's. You know, the type that go on clothing that tell you who made it and how to care for it? I want that, so that everything I make can always have my label on it. How cool would that be? I mean, I am talking about MY NAME on the things that I MAKE. it would make making things seem so much more personal, everything that bears my name has to be good quality otherwise I don't want to claim it. It would be like stamping my approval on my creations.

So today I realized something, I am losing weight! Thats right you heard it. I AM LOSING WEIGHT! I don't know how much but i know it is happening because when i put my pants on today I had to go down one my notch so my waist area has to be getting smaller. I cannot wait till i find out what I really weigh, i plan on finding out in a week or so. Wish me luck as i try to get thin! :)

on hold

By countdown is officially frozen. One minute I think I am living on one day the next I find out I am leaving on another and the next I find out that I don't really have a clue as to where I am going and how I am going to get there. Life is flusterating like that sometimes. NOTE: Yes, I know that flusterating is not is fact a word that is in the dictionary but it is in my vocabulary so you are just going to have to deal with it. If you don't like it then you need to stop reading because, well, right now I am a little lot flusterated. See what I mean?

I wish I could really find out when I am leaving for school. I want to go to freshman orientation I want to see Jordan in September and I want to know that I will have everything that I need in order to be successful. I am very disappointed in the people that I trust because, right now, I have discovered that they have all seemed to have let me down. They are unplanned, they think that I can just afford to buy a ticket to get me to school and then make it there all on my own and this just isn't true. some people just do not understand that life is not the same as it has always been. It isn't that easy to just up and move unless you have that kind of money which, at the moment, I do not have.

I really do hope that everything works out in the end because, as I said on facebook, all I want is "to go to college, learn some stuff, make some friends (hopefully), and then get out and get on with my life. STOP MAKING ME BEAT AROUND THE BUSH HERE I DO NOT LIKE IT!

End of story goodnight.

Sigh

Well I haven't been posting much and that would be because the countdown has officially began. I am officially 7 days away from moving to Utah. Yes, UTAH! In only seven days I am going to be on a plane headed off for this place that I have never been to, never seen, and that I have never known anything I about until I joined the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I know I am making so many people proud. I am the first person in my family that is going to college. My step dad I think is the most proud of me, him and his new wife. They keep wanting me to tell them when I get to school, I really don't think that they can wait. Then there is my mother, she is just as proud of me as they are only she expresses it in a very different way. She is quiet about it and doesn't ask me about it all of the time.

Pin curls

2 nights ago I tried something new with my hair. Let me preface with saying that I have decided that I really like the 1940's. I am now looking into making or buying skirts and dresses that fit with that era. I bought red lipstick and a few other things that will make me feel really 40's, the only thing missing is my hair. I don't even know what century my hair is in but I want it to be in the 40's so I decided to try out pin curls.

Please let it be known that my hair is thick, I mean really thick and red. (No it isn't naturally red) It is also short, when I say short I mean it doesn't even go to my chin, and layered did I mention it is layered?

Anyways I got it into my head that I could have pin curls all over my head. I had Rachel cover my head in 90 bobby pins and hair gel and water. We spent an hour or so putting these curls into my hair, if you would like to know what pin curls are you should google them because I am not going to post pictures, sorry.

I went to sleep in them. Mind you the sleep was really bad because I was so scared of frizzing my hair. When I woke up I took out the pins. Good news-it wasn't frizzy. Bad news-I looked like a poodle with a bad hair job. My hair was covered in so many curls it was CrAzY. I had this giant mass of curls on the top of my head and it just looked AWFUL.

The question is, will I do it again? Not while my hair is as short as it is but, yes I do intend on doing it again. The curls, if they didn't look good on me at that moment, were good curls. They withstood brushing and water, they didn't frizz, they were easy to do (time consuming but they can be done the night before) and they did look good just not with all them short layers.

Well that is all I really have to say, sorry there is a gap between the days, I haven't given up on writing every day but I have realized that there is no need for me to write on the days when nothing actually happens.

Ties

Did you know that silk ties can make a really cool looking skirt? Yeah I didn't either until I sewed a bunch of them together and made one at Lexi's apartment. BTW Lexi is Rachel's younger sister. She is pretty good at the sewing stuff.

I woke up at 730 and got to her house at about 800am (I was so tired I don't like waking up early when I go to bed late) I stayed at her place till late, i'm talking 9pm that is like 13 hours or something like that. It was fun. We cooked some soup, out of a recipe book that I haven't had the chance to use, and went food shopping which was funny because she got very scatterbrained while she was there, she almost forgot to pay. Hehe.

Anyways other than that I didn't do all that much but I did have a good time and, aside from not getting to spend anytime with Jordan this evening, Today was great. I cannot wait until tomorrow when I get to spend some quality time with Jordan. I have missed him so much. I am not used to being apart from him for 4 days. Trust me, when you are with a man almost every single day and then suddenly you only see him 2 times a week you really start to miss the guy.