Epic Fail

I Have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that I did make that messenger bag and it looks pretty cool. When I get the picture uploaded I will post it here.

the bad news?

I have already failed at my diet and my plan to lose weight. I am not very motivated. Jordan and I went thrift shopping as well. I didnt buy anything but jordan and I did talk about the idea of owning our own home and making love in different places. It seems interesting enough.

TO be honest It scares the hell out of me. What happens if he and i dont end up together? All of the time we say that it would be ok in the end it would be for the best but I am not so sure. All I know is that I want to have Jordans Children. I want to have our kitchen table be where I served dinner every night, I want my home to always be blessed with the sound of childrens laughter and happieness. I want to get into fights with him and then kiss and make up. I want to be his wife now more than ever. We have been told many times before that we already act like we are married why can we not actually get married? Why is that so difficult?

In a month or so I have to leave Jordan. I have to go to College without him and there is a chance that he is going to leave me then and I will never see his face or kiss his lips again. I am scared. I love his so much more than he could ever know. he is my everything. He is the center of my universe. I love him.

Enough of that/ Sometimes I just get a little upsett when I think of things that may never come to pass. I really should stop getting side tracked. I hope that the world is enjoying what I write here. It probably makes very little sense but it is my mind and if you dont like what you see when you delve into it then you should get out.

Oh yes. speaking of my mind. Jordan mentioned today that he is curious to see what is in my mind and discover whether or not he could survive there for more than five minutes. I really do doubt that. My mind is a cavern filled with riddles and mazes that even I myself have yet to uncover and understand. lol

Well it is getting late and I am wanting to go back to watching bones. I want to stay up until jordan wakes up to go to work so I can be what he wakes up to in the morning. I like to do that for him. one day he is going to wake up and I am going to be at his side and he is going to smile and be just as happy as I am when I see him. oh to the unwritten future!

Oh yes tomorrow I will be playing the flying harry potter game with the bludgers and golden snitch ( I cant spell the word and thus I am not even going to try and write it.) Wish me luck world. Ta ta for now.