Mom

Again I was watching bones and temperance decided that she wanted a baby. I have often felt this urge myself. Children are very important to me. The innocence in their eyes as they explore the world is something no one can capture but everyone should have the chance to witness.

While I was watching the episode I watched how temperance revered a child and it made me smile. She treated the child the same way I always imagined myself treating my own children. She treated them with intelligence. She spoke clearly and concisely she didn't lower herself to goo goo ga ga speech that so many parents seem to think is good for their offspring.

At the end of the episode Booth says to Bones that "you will be a great mother" one day I hope someone can say that about me.

I remember once when I was very young, my step father got very angry with me. I cannot recall why he was angry but I remember what he said to me. He said, very loudly that I should never have children because I am selfish. It hurt. it hurt more than I understood why at the time. of course then I wasnt thinking about having children in fact, i didnt ever want children then. (I felt they were snotty and annoying) but still what he said stung me. I think he knew that and a day or so later he said he was sorry, I know he was. It still hurts, not because of any other reason but that he is right. I am selfish but I work on that every day. I fight to put other peoples needs ahead of mine (when reasonable) I dont EVER want to live up to the expectations he had of me when I was younger.

one day I will be a great mother and my children will look up to me and say thank you for being everything to them. Just like I do for my own mother, not that she knows that. IF she ever read my blog she would know that I loved her and revered her as an inspiration to me.

She raised me in the only way she knew how for nearly 18 years. she fed me clothed me bathed me. she did a lot of things that other people never had to do just to make sure my life was better. I appreciate that. Though sometimes I think of her more as my friend than my mother and sometimes I hate her I always love her and know that she would give anything just to be with me and help me on my journey through life. I love you mom.

Well it is that time again. Time to go to sleep and wait for the new day to come. :) Tomorrow is the 4th of july so YAY America!